At this time of the year I often wonder if putting aside a single day a year for Thanksgiving serves us. I find that a life where I look for things to appreciate every day is so much richer and fuller than when I used to focus on that activity only on the 4th Thursday in November when Thanksgiving is practiced in the USA.

When we focus on things to appreciate each day many factors aid us in their discovery. The very way our brain is structured ensures that we see more of what we look for. This means that when we look for things to appreciate we see them - in our families, in our friends, in our communities, in our world and in ourselves. This one act, appreciation, is a very high emotional state that enriches the life of anyone who makes it a habit. Love and appreciation are so close emotionally they are hardly discernable one from another. A conscious decision to appreciate can lead to a life that is more wonderful than can be imagined by someone who has not done so.

While it is lovely to have a day that is focused on thanksgiving, to enjoy family, friends, and feasting; it is far more wonderful to appreciate each and every day.

What can be appreciated? There is so much. It is everywhere. Right now I can hear the birds singing outside. Their song is lovely. That takes me to thoughts of appreciation that I live somewhere that allows me to hear the sounds of nature. Right now my daughter’s puppy is nestled against my legs enjoying just being close to me - something she demonstrates daily. That brings me to thoughts about how her puppy wakes each day with enthusiasm and joy. She reminds me to awaken with that same amount of enthusiasm and eagerness for the day ahead.

My thoughts of appreciation turn to those closest to me, my partner, my children and my closest friends. There are so many aspects of them to appreciate. The warmth and comfort of my home is something I appreciate each day especially like now, when the sunshine is flowing through the windows.

Thoughts of appreciation invariably bring me to a conversation with a bank president I was coaching a few years ago and when I suggested a practice of consciously appreciating three things every day he asked (in the midst of the financial downturn), “Can I start with just one? It is rather hard to find three things to appreciate right now.” I responded by asking him if he had food on his table when he sat down to dinner the previous night. Of course, the answer was yes. Then I asked if he had a table that his plate sat upon. It becomes obvious that we are surrounded by things we can appreciate if we make that choice.

Our society has been trained to appreciate the “big” things. Things like our team winning the championship when there are so many things to appreciate on the way to the championship. Every game there is new knowledge gained, encouragement and supportive words are offered to one another. Skills are honed. Lessons are learned. Life goes on in the background of the game - babies born, relationships beginning or deepening; all of these have aspects to appreciate.

What exists in your life that you can appreciate? Make a decision to deliberately find at least three things to appreciate every day between now and the end of 2012 and see how different (better) your life feels. See how your relationships deepen and every day seems to hold more blessings.

This is not about wearing rose colored glasses. It is not that you won’t see something that is not as you desire it to be. It is seeing with eyes that look for the good instead of eyes that look for the flaws. Both realities exist and are accurate. It is the stance of the perceiver that makes the difference.

Some say it is not realistic to have a positive focus but let’s be real about that. If there is something, say a relationship, where 99% of it is working perfectly, brilliantly and beautifully but 1% is out of whack - is it realistic to look at 1% and assert that the whole is broken? Or is it more realistic to look at the 99% that is working wonderfully and believe that the 1% is something that can be addressed and does not ruin the 99% that is working.

Deliberately deciding to be in a state of appreciation does not mean you ignore and do not deal with things that need tending. It does mean you do not color your whole life with the outlook that because there is one thing wrong everything is wrong.

The 1%/99% can be applied to any area of life - health, relationships, career, home, body, vacations, etc.

We can enjoy the journey even when the road is bumpy and rutted if we make a decision to look for things that are good during the journey.

Many have been trained to see life in ways that make the journey far less enjoyable than it could be. The same journey can be heaven for one and hell for another - their perspective makes the difference.

Our programs are designed to make the journey not only more enjoyable but understandable. The journey to a better-feeling life can be easier than you’ve ever imagined.

Contact Us for information on upcoming programs or to be the first to learn the details of our new portable CD programs coming soon.

You can have the life of your dreams.

Please consider sharing this with your friends and family. You never know who you may help by passing it on. It is a random act of kindness that will ripple outward.

Comments are welcome.

Kill Negative Self-Talk: Advice that actually works

Time for Advice that Works

I am in Pasadena, California to attend the Rose Bowl game and parade. I noticed an article in the well-being section of the local magazine titled “Quit Beating Yourself up over a Lousy Childhood.” I am always interested in learning more methods of helping others thrive so I naturally read the article.

As is so often the case the reading left me not only disappointed but somewhat frustrated. It begins with a successful gentleman, Otis, who describes his current life as including a loving family and lady in his life but who often feels negative emotion related to his long ago childhood. He compounds the negative emotion by feeling guilty about feeling the negative emotion since he has a good life now. The response from the psychotherapist is accurate in the goal (stopping the negative self-talk) but provides no guidance about how to accomplish that goal.

There is little point in telling someone to stop doing a destructive behavior if they are not given guidance about how to stop that behavior. It is as unproductive as telling someone to ‘Think Positive’ without providing the knowledge and skills for them to successfully master the ability. In my opinion, such advice without knowledge and skills can actually compound the problem. When simply told to stop the negative self-talk or “think positively” an individual is likely to believe other are able to take that advice and successfully achieve the goal and think even less of themselves when they are unable to do so.

The truth is that our thoughts are habits - as much as any habit - good or bad are habits. Smoking is a habit. So is the way you greet and say good bye to loved ones - whether it involves heartfelt hugs, kisses and hello’s or casual attitudes that show one another that they are taken for granted.

There are many techniques that can change habits of thought and every individual is capable of far more control over these habits than most use. But without basic knowledge about how the mind works to reinforce existing habits of thought and proven techniques to change those habits an individual is not likely to succeed in changing.

Our programs teach many techniques that can successfully allow an individual to change their own habits of thought to ones that will enable them to thrive - often in ways they never imagined they could.

Often the first step is to stop believing everything you think. The knowledge we share about how the mind works and how it filters information received by the conscious mind helps an individual realize that more than truth plays into what they think. Once this awareness is gained it becomes far easier to use techniques to change to more productive habits of thought.

Refuting thoughts that do not serve you makes more sense when you realize that just because you think a thought does not mean it is true. Most people have given far too much credence to what other people think and say to them not realizing that others’ opinions always reflect far more about the one with the opinion than the subject of their opinion. In our programs we demonstrate this in ways that make it very apparent and allow individuals to give less power to harmful input from others.

One technique that can be effective (and far more effective once an individual understands key aspects of the functioning of minds) is to negate the negative self-talk. Looking for examples that demonstrate the lack of truth in the negative belief about oneself can eliminate the power of such thoughts. There are many other methods detailed in our programs.

Our goal is to help individuals thrive. Everyone, no matter how awful or wonderful their current life feels, can improve their experience.

We hope this article stimulates discussion. If this article stimulates thoughts, questions, or comments please post them below. The comments are moderated so they will not appear immediately. Comments and questions are taken seriously. By sharing them here rather than sending them by private mail you share with other readers and not just the author. All comments are read and all earnest questions are responded to. If you have something to say that truly applies only to you and me then send me an email. Please feel to share this article with others using the share buttons or by sending them a link to this page. Comments that are not related to the topic of this website or that are blatant advertisements are deleted to preserve the integrity of the site. We look forward to your feedback. If you would like to register for or are interested in additional information on our classes, one-on-one coaching, or speakers for your event please contact us.

Tag Archive: thrivemore

The Power of Appreciation

The Power of Appreciation

Kill Negative Self-Talk: Advice that actually works

Time for Advice that Works